A. It is totally understandable that you feel this way at this time, given what’s happening in your chart. And you are also reflecting a dynamic that many other people are also feeling at this time, due to the Pluto/Uranus square which creates tremendous inner tension between the voices of conservatism and of deep radical change.
This massive collective surge is very personal to you simultaneously, as Pluto is on your Progressed Midheaven and Uranus on your Progressed Ascendant, major indicators of how your identity is developing in relationship with the world. The former describes deep and radical transformation of core identity and one that wants to empower you in the world professionally. The latter pushes hard and sharply for you to express more and more your essential identity and to awaken more fire energy in you. No wonder you’re restless!
As a mother this puts you in a very challenging place and so the question is how to honour the needs to provide for your family with the unquestionable need for change and freedom....click 'Read More' below to continue...
When I look at the dynamics around your mothering, you have learnt through your parent’s influences to be too tight and controlling, and from your birth experience to be too sacrificing of yourself. Each in their own way put you last on the list of who gets their needs met. Saturn conjunct Mercury in Cancer in the 4th House of parenting can make you a dedicated and committed mother but can easily lean towards doing so in an unconsciously conditioned, conservative way based on self-denial and as compensation for feelings of inadequacy.
Similarly, despite having a great Sun/Moon trine, one of the best aspects in anyone’s chart, your Libran Moon is conjunct Pluto, describing you as an essentially very powerful woman but one who has learnt through her own mother to excessively control her passion, power and sexuality. This intense emotional control colludes with the Saturnian parenting model in ways that also resists deep personal transformation, something you have enormous potential in, once you learn to unlock the control mechanisms.
If you can work with this territory with some deep therapy, supplemented with other forms of inner work that honours the deep feminine in you and gives you potential avenues for creating a professional life for you, that will honour the need for both personal and professional transformation. Making a commitment to do so alone will make a huge difference to the way you feel.
You need a professional life that allows you to use your obvious psychic and spiritual gifts, not just from personal need but because your soul will call you there as part of your “life purposes” on top of the equally important role spiritually of being a mother. And there’s nothing light wait about this calling, as the Dark Goddesses are both very strong in you (Sun conjunct Lilith, Mercury conjunct Persephone) and are coming into greater prominence ( Progressed Sun conjunct Hekate peaking in 12 months time, Progressed Midheaven conjunct Progressed Medusa in 18 months).
These are deep forces in you that will demand strong processes of emotional purification and, call you to own the enormous Shakti or primal spiritual power that they represent inside you. That you are embarking on an ever deepening healing journey is all over your chart, including having transiting Chiron crossing your Ascendant. The timing is right.
I get a strong sense that you would do well to explore the realms of spiritual and shamanic midwifery, doula roles and women’s mysteries work, both for your own development but also as potential professional pathways. I’m hoping these words are exciting you because they are exciting. There’s a lot to do but the fruits will be literally life-changing, honouring the very essence of the Uranus/Pluto.